sians big time

i am duper ultra sians.
mood has been down these days.

i have been feeling damn upset lah.
over dunno wadever reasons.
its just not gd. =(

had fun last night.
but it pains me to see her this way.
it hurts alot bcos these are ppl close to my heart and i really treasure them.
so nth else matters except them.
and when i know they are hurting so badly and i cant do anything, i really feel damn useless.
i wished i cud do sth more. haiz.

anw, old liaos. clubbing doesnt seem that fun to me anymore.
its the company that i enjoys. =D

*

and Mr Lam is so gonna be dead when he comes back. =p

*

and i still miss him so much even thou he is like... having 5 mistresses in tw. and even has video confession. *roars*

*

okays. back to ed stuffs.
went back ytd unwillingly to set up everything.
den hafta go class at 7am today.
so practically me and mab didnt slp at all.
thank gdness i didnt fall aslp while mr hongkong is talking. if nt im gonna be so dead.
i wonder how cud some ppl be really nice outside work and be so god damn nasty at work.
things may not go ur way. but personal attacks are no no man.

he is still crossed-out. =*

*

and now, im gonna slp.
another clubbing outing with daniel and mab and gwen and nana (if she gt the mood).

zonk out~

Haiz. Damn sians.
Why m I always taking e brunt of everything?

Training timing change, I gets e blame.
Other ppl's mistakes, I gets e blame.
Accidentally bump into each other, I gets e blame.
Now, I wanna move on wif my life, treasuring ppl who really cares abt me, I gets e blame too.

Tmd!

I mean, who is there to define how much time I need to get over a failed relationship?
Who can tell me, exactly, how much time is needed? If there is anyone who cud tell me,I wud jolly well do it.
If u cn tell ur ex gf abt ur feelings for her best fren so fast after u two broke up, den tell me, who else can't?
If my ex bf cn hold someone else's hands right after we broke up, what cnt be done?

I already spent so much of my time.
I dun want to miss an opportunity again.
I dun expect everyone to understand my situation.
I'm thankful that my best friend understands me.

And him for e constant understanding.

I'm sick n tired of trying to explain.

I just need to calm down right nw.

Emo

Alot of things happened these days.
The misunderstandings
The nearly first quarrel
The first separation
alot.
I'm very depressed nw. Life isn't really fair.
I'm taking on too many roles.
And I dun seem to haf a choice to say no.

I'm going back to ed on every HL, every DO, every AL.
And no one spares a tot on how much rest I needed.
I hadn't be able to concentrate on my sch work.
Let alone e accelerated program stuffs.
Let alone study for tests and exams.

I am so tired. Haiz.

He is away. And I missed him alot.

There has been too many emotions going ard me. I dunno how much longer I cn take it.

I just need sometime to calm down and get started on my assignments. All my assignments...

I feel like crying right nw. But I can't cos I'm sitting on e train..
oh my goodness. I need diversion therapy. If nt my tears will drop.:(
too depressed.

wakey!

time to get prep and go back to ttsh.

i felt so loved. having so many ppl in my life who really cares about me.

why should i be so bothered by ppl who simply dun care?

just gonna be happy from now on. =D

something is wrong!

SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME!
i only had about 4hours of slp since the day before. and FOR GOODNESS SAKE! im still awake!

i really need to sleep. this is like the last 2days i can fully enjoy my beauty sleep. then its back to the hectic schedule of work.

*

ok. today is a bad day for me after so long.
the things that he said just made me feel like shit.
i have always thought he really appreciated me after so long. even thou it came so much later than i hoped so.
i have always thought, this break up would let him see my importance.
but apparently, the ugly truth is people just simply treat U as dirt when they have come to realize u are not part of their life anymore.

when he says end of sad and tough journey and its time to treat himself better, it makes me feel like a total failure.
2years 10months have just gone down the drain.
the amount of effort, tears, joy and sadness = nothing.
i pains for the memories. not him.

somehow, this statement makes me feel worthless.
am i worthy of someone's love?
since all i bring for ppl, is sadness and burden.

dwelling so much in the pain is no gd.

i have always told myself, that things doesnt go on well is bcos i do not have enough courage to carry on. and that no one else to be blamed.
but den, i was blamed now. right now.
the feeling of wronged and accusation just sucks.

why do i always end up taking the brunt when it was a choice i made for the benefit of both party?

now that i know he actually feels relief that we are no longer tgt.
i began to feel it was a right choice after all.

all along i felt so selfish to leave bcos i dun haf the courage. but now, i feel glad that i have made that decision.


haiz. will things be better? i hoped so.

im gonna try to sleep now.
bye.

sleepless night

omg.
i hadnt sleep since just now.
wonder whats wrong.
feel damn tired but just cant close my eyes and sleep.

i need to readjust my body clock. if not my AM shift on sat will kill me. hahahahaha!

guess im not slping till tonight =D

=D

had an enjoyable dinner with darling girls.
no wonder we are like... best of friends. they totally can understand me and feels the same way as i do.


didnt join the rest at DXO. cos i really din wanna drink. and of cos, someone wasnt there as well.
it seems like all of them got wasted. HA! lucky i wasnt there. =))

had facial session by elaine. hahahaha! feels so weird. hadnt had facial for AGES. hahahah!

left with 3days. im so not looking fwd to work. hahahahaha!

tadah!

1st blog post of this new blog.

previous blogs has alot of unhappiness in it.
i hope this would actually be a happier one. =D

enjoy! =D