ultimate stress

for so many modules so far, this ethics paper is the ONE paper that has given me so much stress. i really hoped for the best. even if not a distinction, at least a pass PLEASE. =S and if i successfully pass this module, i would have been left with ONE LAST MODULE! while others pursuit their advanced dip, i went for my degree. i thought i couldn't make it when there were so many life changes in my life...and even delayed my degree taking... always thought that taking it slowly is fine.. but and now, im teeny weeny happy that i am even closer to completing my degree...! how i wished i was more daring to take 2 mods at a time like the others even with all these changes in life!! nevertheless, i will persevere on! even thou i have not graduated, the thought of the processes that i went through to even start my degree is heartwrenching. and i really hope that i would be able to graduate successfully. =) and now, while going through my degree, i have another decision that comes along in my mind. i wondered if i should go for the advanced dip.... too many things happened. too many sarcasm.. too many constraints. should i still go ahead with it? i really wonder.. i have no idea why, but im still unsure. been repeating my decision and rationale like umpteen times to ppl. but im still unable to fully convince myself to go for it determinedly. what should i do? who can advise me? haiz. oh! and i didnt mentioned. back to work. it really feels good. felt like life is in more control. but i hate it when i dun have much time or energy to spend time with the kids. seriously guilty of that. =S

APRIL. back to work SOON.

OMG. so fast, its already april. and soon enough, i would be back in action at work this time next week. time really flies... times away from work is always the shortest. as much as i say how i wish i dun have to work, a part of me is actually looking forward to going back to work. this way, i feel my life in more control. i do not feel useless nua-ing around. HAHAHAHAHA! and this time round, its really different because i know my kids are in safe hands. thou i still dun like the maid, but at least MIL is around. =) going back to work this time round is not as scary as that time after having ethan. i guess cos its going back to the same environment. not from edtc to ed. however, its going back to a strange land because alot of precious colleagues have left. the good ones.. including bff.. =S sometimes i wonder when is my turn. then again, i wonder if i would really leave.. hmm.. * oh well.. alot happened during this 3 months while im not blogging. not to mentioned, hubby is in real mess... in terms of health. mainly due to work. got injured here and there. sometimes in really impressed at how he actually can get so much injuries. i mean, i have been in this line for 4 years. always running around in action. but have never encounter anyone as suay as him. not to mention PR issues as well. as much as i always complain about work. im honestly secretly thankful that my management is considerate in terms of family commitments, esp like child's sick etc. * personal feelings wise, recently have been rather moody. a part of it is having to say goodbye to this slacker life (LOL), another part is finding out about how not being really treated as a part of the family. i mean, of cos i know its hard to accept someone into your family immediately. however, i find it really hard to accept that after almost 2years of getting along tgt, im still considered outsider. im still considered as someone that needs to be treated with caution etc because of FACE issue. and its not as if im just a MAID. im half-daughter! haiz. i guess its really hard to change people's perception sometimes. i cant do much, however, still feel upset thou. i dunno how to define this feeling inside me. i just know its not good. haiz.hope i can get over it soon... * anyway, baby girl is growing up steadily, and she is getting cuter and cuter each day. i can just look at her forever. LOL! she is so adorable that i cant resist hugging her everytime i see her. hehehe. ethan is also growing healthily... already able to walk by his own... needs alot of coaching at this age... hopefully we can guide him into growing up as a sensible and responsible kid. =) alrighty, gonna upload some overdue pics on FB before going to sleep. nitey nite, ppl who read my blog.. (none i think. hahahaha).

its chinese new year!

today is the 2nd day of chinese new year.

this year's CNY has the least festive mood.
partly cos im still doing confinement and not doing visiting.

so sian.
still unwell..
i dunno how much longer will this sickness follow me. zzz.

hopefully things will get better as the year goes by.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to all.
i only wish for good health for my three precious. =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! JAN 2012

so, the new year has arrived.
so has my lil girl. =D

she is so so so adorable in her miniature size.
taking care of ethan and seeing him grow has made me forgotten how small he used to be. now my lil girl has proven how much ethan has grown =)

seeing my two kids tgt is like the greatest gift of my life.
that also includes letting me meet hubs and getting tgt with him.

styms life is just so mystical.
one moment you are struggling to maintain a r/s that you thought was your future..
the next moment, bam! this other person comes into your life and you realized future could be different from how you thought it should be.
no doubt things have gone so fast for hubs and me. but we are both growing up tgt with our r/s. and im glad we are making effort for each other.

nothing else matters. seriously. i love my family so much, and im gonna give my best shot to bring up and groom my kids, and nurture this family ties. =)

wrapping up

as titled, time to wrap up 2011.
this has been an eventful year.
from transition to become a mother. learning how to take care of ethan. going thru the heartbreaks of leaving him alone at home for work.
taking care of ethan when he is sick. when he is hospitalized.
having to juggle family, work, kid, and pregnancy.
there's just too much changes in my life.

now, the year is coming to an end.
but theres more to come.
=)

muimui is coming real soon. all the experiences would be doubled. good or bad. lol!

*

other than spiritually being very satisfied, im very satisfied materially. hahaha!

conquered my 1st kate spade, 1st chanel wallet, tiffany and co, gucci sandals, burberry nova tote, LV Speedy 25, 1st prada wallet, 1st prada bag, 1st prada clutch, 1st chanel necklace, 1st balenciaga bag.
woots!

FUCKING PISSED

right at this moment, I AM SUPER PISSED.
isnt it a basic courtesy to ASK when it comes to taking my things and give/lend to others.
ALREADY so many of ethan's clothes went to him.
now BOTH HIS ROCKERS.
ccb. so mui mui comes out NO NEED TO USE LAH!

knn. pls lor. they have TONNES OF MONEY and can jolly well AFFORD IT!
why need to use mine?

call me selfish.
but i want the best for my child.
even if ethan doesnt use it. mui mui can use what.
why the fuck do you NEED TO TAKE IT AWAY?

besides, we never try letting ethan use BECAUSE YOU SAID HE WOULD NOT LIKE IT.
but we NEVER TRY, NEVER KNOW!

worst of all. i think the baseline is, before taking things away from ME, ASK ME FIRST.
i already KEPT QUIET over the clothes that was given to the newborn. taking the fact that Ethan has outgrown them. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN GIVE THEM EVERY SINGLE THING!
why doesnt it ring a bell to them that a 2nd baby is on her way to us. and instead of just using a 2nd hand pass-down from her own brother, SHE HAS TO USE 3rd hand PASS-DOWN by someone else? and RIGHTFULLY, it belongs to us!

are all rich fat ass THESE STINGY?!?

ARGH!!! ranting doesnt help at all.
i just want to CRY RIGHT NOW AT THIS MOMENT.

ARGH!

december is HERE!

1st day of december!

this is a month of celebrations.
this wk - 1 bday party to attend.
next wk - ethan's bday party.
3rd wk - elaine's bday party.
4th wk - xmas (kiv party).

busy busy weeks.
not forgetting, mui mui is coming!! =D
i guess, the event that we are looking forward to is not only ethan's party and him turning 1. but also mui mui's arrival. =)

getting more and more uncomfortable lately. guess its cos mui mui is growing stealthily. which is something we are thankful for, and i think its all worth it. =)

ethan is growing up so well... thou styms he gets on my nerves for screaming and wailing. but he is just so cute that i just love him to bits. the way he laughs his heart out over small actions. laughs till tears come out. its really very heartwarming. im so glad and thankful that i had him. and muimui on the way. =)