back to work for more than a month now.
im still getting used to it.
so many things happened recently. and i do realized my temper is getting shorter.
i wanna cry, but i couldnt. i couldnt cry when i sees ethan. i couldnt cry outside. i have no space at all. i am very very tired actually. im very sick of trying to get things done rite.
i know no matter what i do, i will never be a real daughter.
i know no matter what i say, it will never carry any weight.
all i asked for, is some safety care in my precious.
is some peace and time with my son.
and not someone keeps trying to take my son away, in view of "helping" me.
not someone to keep giving me "advices" when he has not even taken care of a child before.
not someone who QUESTIONS me when it comes to the care of my child.
im also tired of handling things that ought to be over by now.
the longstanding issue.
the misunderstandings.
sometimes, it really hurts when you meant the best and you were treated the worst.
it really hurt badly.
no doubt it seems to be sorted out, but i still feel very lousy.
the tot of i was ever this kinda person in her eyes just makes me feel darn sad.
work is something that i really wished i can give up right now.
i really dont want to go for the advanced dip anymore.
bcos i really sees no future at all.
and i do not need all the unnecessary blames.
oh wells, it takes more than just a rash decision.
i need to think about it.
*
sometimes, i wished i could turn back time, and not do things so rashly.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
april
wow. so fast. i am REALLY going back to work already. 2 more days, and im back to work, as a OFFICIAL working mother.
im so gonna miss my boy so much. =)
*
i dunno if i should go and apply for advance dip.
its gonna be another 2 years of bond.
and i know its not easy to study that. coupled with my degree course which im FINALLY able to cont in july.
i mean, i waited for 3years to complete my bond.
now, if im going to be bond again, its another 2years bond.
zzz.
*
and im so irritated by my father-in-law now.
he is a gd man. and a loving father. i dun deny that.
but it gets on my nerves when he KEEP kb-ing about us not asking the maid to cook. keep saying that if we dun ask her to cook, den employ her for what. BUT I DIDNT EMPLOY HER TO COOK FOR ME!
besides, one week 7days, EVERYDAY eat the same thing. i really get damn sians.
even maggi tastes better.
den he say, wad we want to eat, ask the maid to cook. go library photocopy recipes ask her to cook. but wtf. even normal ppl also wun be able to one time cook and get the taste rite. let alone a maid who DUN UNDERSTAND OUR LANGUAGE WELL!
AND, things that we wanna eat, is NEVER approved by him. so whats the point? why risk getting scolded and nag by him EVERYDAY?
argh! irritated.
and summore, already ate rice in the morning or noon. i really dun wanna eat rice again at nite. CANNOT MEH? wtf.
so fed up!
and EVERYTIME he will say "hope alvin and melissa will lose weight."
tmd. i wanna be like this cannot is it? argh~
*
im so gonna miss my boy so much. =)
*
i dunno if i should go and apply for advance dip.
its gonna be another 2 years of bond.
and i know its not easy to study that. coupled with my degree course which im FINALLY able to cont in july.
i mean, i waited for 3years to complete my bond.
now, if im going to be bond again, its another 2years bond.
zzz.
*
and im so irritated by my father-in-law now.
he is a gd man. and a loving father. i dun deny that.
but it gets on my nerves when he KEEP kb-ing about us not asking the maid to cook. keep saying that if we dun ask her to cook, den employ her for what. BUT I DIDNT EMPLOY HER TO COOK FOR ME!
besides, one week 7days, EVERYDAY eat the same thing. i really get damn sians.
even maggi tastes better.
den he say, wad we want to eat, ask the maid to cook. go library photocopy recipes ask her to cook. but wtf. even normal ppl also wun be able to one time cook and get the taste rite. let alone a maid who DUN UNDERSTAND OUR LANGUAGE WELL!
AND, things that we wanna eat, is NEVER approved by him. so whats the point? why risk getting scolded and nag by him EVERYDAY?
argh! irritated.
and summore, already ate rice in the morning or noon. i really dun wanna eat rice again at nite. CANNOT MEH? wtf.
so fed up!
and EVERYTIME he will say "hope alvin and melissa will lose weight."
tmd. i wanna be like this cannot is it? argh~
*
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
3rd month
ethan is 3months old! =D
so happy that he is growing so fast and well.
every day, seeing him grow, is tremendous joy to me.
im so glad that i did this. so glad that, he came into my life.
sometimes, i do look back and wonder how would things be if it did not happen this way.
would me and precious still be tgt?
or would sth else be happening?
how would life be like? i wonder.
seriously, i have never regretted that i chose this path.
i could just run away. i could just not go ahead with this. but, its just not me.
in fact, im glad that precious stood by me and not freaked out. im glad that he gave me so much support.
im glad that we went ahead. and of cos, so much support from both our families.
when daddy told me " i feel you are happier with alvin. and he can take care of you". the joy that i had, was indescribable.
its not that i wasnt happy when i was with william, just that we had so much probs that we didnt make an effort to solve it at all.
oh well, i also have a part to be blamed for the failed rs.
every rs, it requires both party to make an effort to make it work. so when it failed, its only becos both party didnt make enough effort. becos one party decided to stop making effort.
theres no right or wrong in a rs afterall.
oh well. i have gone way past that stage.
right now, im in a stage where i cant say i wanna stop trying.
i cant give up when im tired.
i can only keep going on.
and the motivation that keeps me going, alvin and ethan =)
emotional. but im happy.
seriously.
=)
i love my family.
so happy that he is growing so fast and well.
every day, seeing him grow, is tremendous joy to me.
im so glad that i did this. so glad that, he came into my life.
sometimes, i do look back and wonder how would things be if it did not happen this way.
would me and precious still be tgt?
or would sth else be happening?
how would life be like? i wonder.
seriously, i have never regretted that i chose this path.
i could just run away. i could just not go ahead with this. but, its just not me.
in fact, im glad that precious stood by me and not freaked out. im glad that he gave me so much support.
im glad that we went ahead. and of cos, so much support from both our families.
when daddy told me " i feel you are happier with alvin. and he can take care of you". the joy that i had, was indescribable.
its not that i wasnt happy when i was with william, just that we had so much probs that we didnt make an effort to solve it at all.
oh well, i also have a part to be blamed for the failed rs.
every rs, it requires both party to make an effort to make it work. so when it failed, its only becos both party didnt make enough effort. becos one party decided to stop making effort.
theres no right or wrong in a rs afterall.
oh well. i have gone way past that stage.
right now, im in a stage where i cant say i wanna stop trying.
i cant give up when im tired.
i can only keep going on.
and the motivation that keeps me going, alvin and ethan =)
emotional. but im happy.
seriously.
=)
i love my family.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
61th post
i cant believe i started this blog for like almost a year now and i only have 61 post (including this). =P
i dont have much things to blog abt actually.
other than ranting about how pissed i was with the maid.
i dun understand.
YOU are just an employee of mine.
WHO ARE YOU to come and KB me say cannot bring ethan out.
and always carry ethan away from me?
come on. he is my son. i hired u to take care of him while im at work, BUT NOT ASK YOU TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME!
tmd.
fucking pissed with her.
everyday without fail, she will try to carry my son away from me.
say im obsessed. but i really cant stand it.
she even slapped precious' hands away when he tries to carry ethan when he's crying.
WTF.
if i had seen, I SERIOUSLY WOULD HAVE SCREAMED AT HER.
my patience is running out for her.
i asked her to clean my room, and tell her that she should clean my room EVERYDAY,like what she did for the other rooms and living rm. n i asked why didnt she clean it ytd, when im at home the whole time?
and her reply? "oh. mdm u nv ask me to clean. so i nv clean."
WTF?! nobody tells her to clean my parents-in-laws room but she ll auto go clean everyday after my FIL comes back and opens the room door what.
den i ask her "you dunno how to ask ah? i m at home what"
she say "oh i tot you flu cannot sweep".
WTH~!
she is always questioning our instructions. not as if she dunno how to do. its QNS us why do we want to do it this way.
wtf.
things that she need to ask, she dun ask. den always qns us. dammit.
NEVER GO TO HOMEKEEPER FOR MAID!
their service sucks, and their maids are so sucky! this is the 2nd one alrdy. i would not go back to them again. seriously. dammit!
i dont have much things to blog abt actually.
other than ranting about how pissed i was with the maid.
i dun understand.
YOU are just an employee of mine.
WHO ARE YOU to come and KB me say cannot bring ethan out.
and always carry ethan away from me?
come on. he is my son. i hired u to take care of him while im at work, BUT NOT ASK YOU TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME!
tmd.
fucking pissed with her.
everyday without fail, she will try to carry my son away from me.
say im obsessed. but i really cant stand it.
she even slapped precious' hands away when he tries to carry ethan when he's crying.
WTF.
if i had seen, I SERIOUSLY WOULD HAVE SCREAMED AT HER.
my patience is running out for her.
i asked her to clean my room, and tell her that she should clean my room EVERYDAY,like what she did for the other rooms and living rm. n i asked why didnt she clean it ytd, when im at home the whole time?
and her reply? "oh. mdm u nv ask me to clean. so i nv clean."
WTF?! nobody tells her to clean my parents-in-laws room but she ll auto go clean everyday after my FIL comes back and opens the room door what.
den i ask her "you dunno how to ask ah? i m at home what"
she say "oh i tot you flu cannot sweep".
WTH~!
she is always questioning our instructions. not as if she dunno how to do. its QNS us why do we want to do it this way.
wtf.
things that she need to ask, she dun ask. den always qns us. dammit.
NEVER GO TO HOMEKEEPER FOR MAID!
their service sucks, and their maids are so sucky! this is the 2nd one alrdy. i would not go back to them again. seriously. dammit!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
yay!
yay! all coming in liao!
finally got hold of my burberry bag and gucci sandals!!! so happy!!! =D
and my polaroid films... pooh bear!!! =)
overstretched, but i am happy. the rest of 2011 is no branded year. so let me be happy for now =)
i know hubby is worried that i would starve and not enough. but i really wanna get and at least will be happy even if i cannot buy for the rest of the year.
i will be fine darling =D
*
flu is on and off. when im better, den i dare to carry ethan. but when im not, it pains me not being about to be too close to him. so scared that he would catch my flu. WHEN WILL I RECOVER? argh.
blocked ears PLUS PLUS.
sneeze PLUS PLUS.
sians.
hubby's off days are gone just like that. next tym when i start working, 1 wk also dunno can haf time tgt or not.. =S
my days back to work are like SOON.
finally got hold of my burberry bag and gucci sandals!!! so happy!!! =D
and my polaroid films... pooh bear!!! =)
overstretched, but i am happy. the rest of 2011 is no branded year. so let me be happy for now =)
i know hubby is worried that i would starve and not enough. but i really wanna get and at least will be happy even if i cannot buy for the rest of the year.
i will be fine darling =D
*
flu is on and off. when im better, den i dare to carry ethan. but when im not, it pains me not being about to be too close to him. so scared that he would catch my flu. WHEN WILL I RECOVER? argh.
blocked ears PLUS PLUS.
sneeze PLUS PLUS.
sians.
hubby's off days are gone just like that. next tym when i start working, 1 wk also dunno can haf time tgt or not.. =S
my days back to work are like SOON.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
daily affair
been so long since i last updated by DAYS. shall try to do some recap for the past week.
Mon: went to pay school fees for the July sem with mab. YUP. JULY~ and we had to make the payment THIS EARLY becos they said we hafta pay before our placement can be secured. $$ face. and so, waited for >2.5hours JUST to get to the counter, and another 45mins for them to DIG OUT our files. >.<
tue: met up with wy and xf dear girls for crabby dinner. its been AGES since we last went out tgt. friendship for 10years. dun play play. hahaha!
wed: i think i rot at home. i cant remember. hahaha!
thu: went with precious for his SGH nurses gathering. um... im the xtra lah. so didnt talk much. den learnt a very impt lesson. NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITH ETHAN WITHOUT ANY PAMPERS. bcos we ran into pampers emergency where he BO-ed and we have nth to change him. ended home with a BIG PACK of pampers. =.=
saw a nice flats which is darn comfy to wear in. but stupid shop only has one pair which is so OLD cos alot of ppl tried it on! =S precious say just pay and ask em to order another one. so i bought a pair of shoes(which was intended to wear to clubbing next wk), but couldnt get it till the end of march T.T
fri: planned to go the Singapore Flyer with mum, bro n sis with dylan. but end up only left with mum n bro. i decided to be lazy and not go. hahaha! they came over to visit, and had so much fun playing with ethan. then they left to have fun with dylan at sis' place. endless fun =)
went out for drinks with yq dear. its been AGES since i last went out with her also lah. she the ultra busy woman. had a pretty chillax night. will go again if got chance =D
sat: had prawning session with sarah dear n bf. 2nd time. not much luck this time rd, and the prawns are like shrimps. but i enjoyed bcos all we(sarah n i) did was EAT EAT EAT. hahaha! brought ethan with us this time rd reluctantly bcos no one is at home other than the maid. but thank goodness he's a gd boy who slept thru. =)
sun: (today) no activity. but i do love spending the time at home, NUA. hahah! only then i have the time to slowly blog mah~ and upload alot of photos tht i owed in FB. my wedding pics r like ROTTED lah~ lol! and dunno if ALL is in. hahah~ still have 23mins according to the uploading page. SLOW.
supposed to go to auntie's place today. but precious flew me aeroplane bcos theres a mixed up of his roster by HIMSELF. >.so end up not going. miss the kids so much. and bitching sessions with cussies. =)
next wk im gonna be so busy. but its gonna be super fulfilling bcos i wud be achieving super loads of aims that i have been waiting to do.
mon: rest at home. <3
tue: send car for servicing. i think its time for me to send my bike for servicing too. before going back to work. and that would be my best mode of transport. i miss riding my bike. =S yet now i dun go out often, i dun ride it often too. servicing it early wud mean waste money cos need to eventually SERVICE again when im starting work.
wed: singapore flyer with precious and darling ethan. =) finally get to go. *cross fingers*
thu: rest at home <3
fri: clubbing nite! time to get my ass moving! hahahaha! i seriously cant wait bcos its been ages since i last clubbed. i forgotten how it feels like already. =S
sat: dinner with family to celebrate mum's bday. but i guess its celebrate both mum n the twins bday =D
sun: rest at home <3 and rot like today. cos darling working PM shift AGAIN. he is like working PAPA shifts for the whole month's roster. how "friendly" is his ward sister. =X
*
den i realise, im starting work soon. VERY SOON. im afraid. =(
i wanna go and request for perm night. but i dun dare to. the heads are already not thinking much of me, to the extent that they dun even care when i gave birth. i tink i would be forgotten if i do perm night. and would be deprived of ALL the chances for courses and promotions. ZZZ...
SIANS. so much to think of even when i haven started work.
Mon: went to pay school fees for the July sem with mab. YUP. JULY~ and we had to make the payment THIS EARLY becos they said we hafta pay before our placement can be secured. $$ face. and so, waited for >2.5hours JUST to get to the counter, and another 45mins for them to DIG OUT our files. >.<
tue: met up with wy and xf dear girls for crabby dinner. its been AGES since we last went out tgt. friendship for 10years. dun play play. hahaha!
wed: i think i rot at home. i cant remember. hahaha!
thu: went with precious for his SGH nurses gathering. um... im the xtra lah. so didnt talk much. den learnt a very impt lesson. NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITH ETHAN WITHOUT ANY PAMPERS. bcos we ran into pampers emergency where he BO-ed and we have nth to change him. ended home with a BIG PACK of pampers. =.=
saw a nice flats which is darn comfy to wear in. but stupid shop only has one pair which is so OLD cos alot of ppl tried it on! =S precious say just pay and ask em to order another one. so i bought a pair of shoes(which was intended to wear to clubbing next wk), but couldnt get it till the end of march T.T
fri: planned to go the Singapore Flyer with mum, bro n sis with dylan. but end up only left with mum n bro. i decided to be lazy and not go. hahaha! they came over to visit, and had so much fun playing with ethan. then they left to have fun with dylan at sis' place. endless fun =)
went out for drinks with yq dear. its been AGES since i last went out with her also lah. she the ultra busy woman. had a pretty chillax night. will go again if got chance =D
sat: had prawning session with sarah dear n bf. 2nd time. not much luck this time rd, and the prawns are like shrimps. but i enjoyed bcos all we(sarah n i) did was EAT EAT EAT. hahaha! brought ethan with us this time rd reluctantly bcos no one is at home other than the maid. but thank goodness he's a gd boy who slept thru. =)
sun: (today) no activity. but i do love spending the time at home, NUA. hahah! only then i have the time to slowly blog mah~ and upload alot of photos tht i owed in FB. my wedding pics r like ROTTED lah~ lol! and dunno if ALL is in. hahah~ still have 23mins according to the uploading page. SLOW.
supposed to go to auntie's place today. but precious flew me aeroplane bcos theres a mixed up of his roster by HIMSELF. >.so end up not going. miss the kids so much. and bitching sessions with cussies. =)
next wk im gonna be so busy. but its gonna be super fulfilling bcos i wud be achieving super loads of aims that i have been waiting to do.
mon: rest at home. <3
tue: send car for servicing. i think its time for me to send my bike for servicing too. before going back to work. and that would be my best mode of transport. i miss riding my bike. =S yet now i dun go out often, i dun ride it often too. servicing it early wud mean waste money cos need to eventually SERVICE again when im starting work.
wed: singapore flyer with precious and darling ethan. =) finally get to go. *cross fingers*
thu: rest at home <3
fri: clubbing nite! time to get my ass moving! hahahaha! i seriously cant wait bcos its been ages since i last clubbed. i forgotten how it feels like already. =S
sat: dinner with family to celebrate mum's bday. but i guess its celebrate both mum n the twins bday =D
sun: rest at home <3 and rot like today. cos darling working PM shift AGAIN. he is like working PAPA shifts for the whole month's roster. how "friendly" is his ward sister. =X
*
den i realise, im starting work soon. VERY SOON. im afraid. =(
i wanna go and request for perm night. but i dun dare to. the heads are already not thinking much of me, to the extent that they dun even care when i gave birth. i tink i would be forgotten if i do perm night. and would be deprived of ALL the chances for courses and promotions. ZZZ...
SIANS. so much to think of even when i haven started work.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
end of feb
so fast! now is already coming to the end of feb, which means, i left 1month of freedom! omg. couldnt imagine how life would be with me working and worrying about ethan at home. hmmm~
alot of things happened recently. alot of truth uncovered. alot of surprising news.
however, nothing has actually changed.
im upset, but it is not up to me to say anything anyway.
i can only feel.
but i dun understand how can someone be so selfish and do sth that affects so many ppl.
anyway, i dun wanna think much. i love my family so much. tts enough. =D
alot of things happened recently. alot of truth uncovered. alot of surprising news.
however, nothing has actually changed.
im upset, but it is not up to me to say anything anyway.
i can only feel.
but i dun understand how can someone be so selfish and do sth that affects so many ppl.
anyway, i dun wanna think much. i love my family so much. tts enough. =D
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